ᯓ★1.8.25

new years objectives: read more, create, and chill out

so far, i've finished four books and tried not to ruminate too much. i don't have a lot of goals in life, but i know i want to activate my creativity more often. i have really slept on it for far too long--years, even. i kept collecting tools and scraps, thinking of all the ways i could make something out of them, and never following through. it was scary and overwhelming to want to do something so badly and simultaneously fear that i wasn't any good at it. i knew that being good wasn't a necessary requirement to creation, but it didn't matter. it still bothers me sometimes, but i can more easily push those feelings aside. i guess it just took time.

i'm currently working on a junk journal as well as learning to bind my own journal from an old book. i don't have much time to work on it as often as i'd like, but again, just trying to take it slow and chill out. i have time ahead of me.

i have also always wanted to make videos of some kind. as a kid, i made up sketches and recorded them on my crappy digital camera or my phone, but never completely finished the job. when i got a bit older, i discovered making edits of my favorite creators online with free editing software. they were crappy, but it was so fulfilling to splice clips together and play some copyrighted song in the background. i didn't have the money for anything fancier than windows movie maker or powerdirector (which came free with my first laptop). eventually, when vlogging culture came around, i recorded hangout sessions with my friends where we all passed the camera around and said funny things and made each other laugh. then, i cut those videos up and uploaded them. when wmm died and my laptop got too old to run anything anymore, the desire sort of went into hibernation. i never got to move on from there, but i think about it all the time. these videos are private or unlisted now because its still a little scary to be so vulnerable. i have edit ideas for shows or movies i like, often enough that i still write them down in my iphone notes.

this was just a bit of a ramble before i have to run off to work. gonna go drink the winter flavor redbull and shelve some books.