it's been a weird day

As the last post stated I've been having a weird time since being home. Well shit gets weirder let me tell you.

So around 2 months ago I get a test from my friend asking if I had heard "the news". Me being in a completely different state and barely keeping in contact with people since leaving high school respond no. Turns out someone who was a grade below me (was a senior this year) had passed away in a car crash. A death in any school is unwarranted and a tragedy. I don't care who you are, no one deserves to die that young. What made this worse is that A). my high school was very small and tight knit and B). the person who passed was someone very beloved. They knew everyone and always had an optimistic outlook somehow. I never knew them super well on account of me being an anti social fuck and also them being a grade below. We mostly interacted in passing and through the theater department. I shared scenes with them in multiple productions for crying out loud.

Well today was their "celebration of life"; a cheerful name for what was essentially a funeral. It was held at my old high school on account of how much she loved the community and the people. I didn't expect to be back in that place so soon and especially under such grim circumstances. I was far from close with them, they hearing so many people's experiences still got me choked up. They seemed like such a joy and genuine light. I know people aren't gonna shit talk the dead or anything, but even before all this went down that was still the impression I got from them.

I don't believe in a god. If there was one then allowing this person to pass was a cruel, cruel choice. Then again with their passing they were able to bring together so many in the community at once. Irony is funny like that I guess. After hearing the news I went to their instagram and saw they had posted a story of their outfit just a couple hours earlier. Irony struck again, the song playing was "Sunny Side of Heaven" by Fleetwood Mac.

They were a year younger than me, and it's forced me to examine my own mortality. I've often contemplated my own existence and death, but I've never quite looked at it this way before. I don't fully know how to explain it. When you're young you feel invincible, there's no getting around that. You know death, hell it happens all the time. But it's one thing for an elderly person or even middle aged person to die, and quite another for someone younger than you to bite the dust. That feeling of security in youth is shattered. the subconscious feeling of "it'll be fine" doesn't quite hold the same power.

I don't want this post to end on a bleak and sad note though. I don't want this blog to end up as just a venting thing. Don't take my words as a waring to miss out on experiencing life in the fear of losing it. In fact I think you should do the opposite. Go out there and do whatever. Take chances and hope you get a good story out of it. Live life on your terms; maybe try to brighten other's day. Enjoy every second you've got. 

Until next time, see you whenever