My Type (Low Standards?)

looking at my friends ,, the ones younger than me,, even,, getting into relationships

and looking back on the ones I've had in the past

I want to laugh a little,, because i was such a horrible person

i still am a bit cruel,, at times,,

but it takes time and effort. It's not an overnight change.

I have such low standards for the people i surround myself with

1- Pay (somewhat) attention to me.

2- Nice to me.

And besides that you could literally eat shit i wouldn't really care much

i find it so difficult to make actual deep connections with anyone. maybe partially because of this, too.

Those are kinda different though. Deep connections and relationships.

Compared to just normal friends and acquaintances,, my standards seem to be quite high.

too high, maybe. i don't really care if i never end up meeting that person. Because I'd rather end up with no one than someone i don't wanna be around

I'm thinking lately,, about that person I met some time ago,, and considered to be romantic with. I haven't talked to them since we broke it off,, and i hope we never cross paths knowing each other again.

It was just a constant play and pull of attention. There was a lack of any actual attraction,, besides the amount of time spent with each other.

There was only really sentimental value to that relationship. If i could call it that word.

It was never really going to work out,, and I'm kinda glad that it ended, thankful for what i learnt to not do.

I used to think that the type of person I'd like is someone who could take care of me.

Someone who would be kind and good,, who's sweet and selfless.

But now,, after thinking on it,,

people like that would never really match up with me.

I would take and take and take too much,, until they just wouldn't be able to handle it. Either that,, or I'd be the one getting played. Being too forgiving just because they are so so sweet when they want to be. Being too dependent and falling away helplessly as soon as they decide that they don't want to be there to cling onto anymore.

I don't know,, really.

My opinion might change as i grew older.

Recently,, I don't really have a firm opinion on my type.

For a lot, I have a lack of care towards physical attributes.

Gender, physique, and such and so have very little value to me.

Style and how they present themselves, maybe. It's important that someone knows how to take care of themselves.

But really ,, I'd just like to be with someone that I feel comfortable and safe with.

I hate hate hate people who are ALWAYS ike a ticking time bomb

that no matter what i do,, it'll be wrong

on edge and anxious constantly,, worrying about what I'm doing

that's the type of person i don't want to associate myself with

I get into a bad mood too,, once in a while,, but if someone is like that 24/7 it's just not pleasant to be around them

Just someone who I can feel safe and comfortable with. I want to be able to be upset without being laughed at and I want to be able to laugh without them being upset about it.

I want to be able to be exist and feel my heart at rest.

I dunno,, I've just been reading a lot of romance comics recently.

i was really upset that the protagonist decided to break up with the guy who was really my type. i mean, understandable that it just didn't work out for the author, we all have nuances and there was good reason to leave.

So,,, the topic of what type of person exactly i want to spend my time with has been coming up in my mind.

Generally, now, I'm not that into romance type of things. Only really as much as a teenage girl is interested in love. It's interesting to think about,, but in practice, not really. I kinda just wanna continue on my embroidery and art.

So yeah.

That was a little ramble,, and hope it was an interesting read for anyone who might have foudn something useful or something they have resonated with in it

Published by Lamby

My Type (Low Standards?)

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