snow day

I'm supposed to be at the lakes right now. And I'm also supposed to be writing my essay right now oopsie 

I couldn't drive to the lakes because it snowed all night and the journey there is 2.5 hours (which means 3+ hours for me) and I have a smart car with summer tyres and no experience driving in the winter. And my parents would've exploded. Maya and I payed fucking 193 pounds each for that cottage. Durham fucking Durham behaviour gaghadgajfd,ajeh

But how could I have known it would snow when I was meant to go up there??? all I knew was that I'd heard good things about the place and living with Maya for a week beats living with my parents for another week.

gosh. She's alone in Durham right now hoping and praying the snow goes away so I can drive up tomorrow and we don't keep losing cash by living here when we're paying rent up there. Sorry Maya but the smart car cannot move if there's more than a cm of snow. And also my parents think I'm at risk of death at any minute. and they think the lakes are the actual edge of civilisation. there is a pub 5  minutes from our cottage. It ain't that far out. 

But lowkey I don't mind being home just today. Tomorrow I might mind it but today is ok. Last night I was getting all sad looking at the snow thinking about how much I'd like to take Bruno for a snowy walk at the natty res. And today I did it, and I;m very very glad I got to do that. I wore my new hat and gloves and hiking boots and the snow was so thick it wasn't even slippy, I threw snowballs at him and he tried to catch them :) I like the snow 

I will write my essay. As soon as I'm done with this entry I will go do my physio, and then  grab some chewing gum and put on Moby's Long Ambients and READ.

I keep getting sad but in a nice way. Not in a despairing way, just in an emotional, sparkly tears sort of way. I keep listening to Lana's new album and it keeps making me think of him. I never stopped thinking of him, really. I'm just that sort of person. I never stop thinking about anyone, especially not boys who I think I love. Or maybe actually do love. I want to stop throwing that word around so much. 

I'm listening to Kintsugi right now. Just before that I was listening to... Fingertips I think. Daddy I do miss them, I miss them all the time :(