Yapping and self reflections.

This year, it hasn't been the worst. Maybe even the second best in my life, right after 2016. But there's one thing. I don't wanna be 20. I wanna be a kid again.

Today, I was playing with my sister. We messed around and were incredibly silly. We played games that would probably be shunned when I was a kid, like kick the baby or Johnny Johnny. These were so... nice. So warm. It felt as if something inside me was finally complete.

My childhood wasn't really happy. It was full of poverty, bullying and other stuff like that. I was a very unhappy child, scared to have fun, scared to express emotions and play... Always the oldest sibling supposed to be responsible, but not allowed to have fun. But when I played with my sister I felt complete. I don't wanna grow up.

But on the other hand, being here, at my parents' house feels off. I deeply miss my city, I miss the trams, I miss the view from my dorm, the mall, and most importantly my college...

This year was good because I finally left my hometown and went to college, actually as the only kid from my elementary school class which literally proves "success is the best revenge". I found a style that reflects all aspects of my personality: the darkness, the cuteness, the love for cartoons and vintage stuff. It's been a full year of me being scene. Finally a full year of being a certain style. While I sometimes make variations, it's nice to have a style to lean on.

I also found some new stuff about myself. My main traits are: funny, calm, caring and animal lover. My favourite hobbies are video games, reading and cartoons. My favourite colours are pink, green, black, and sometimes red. My priorities are to become a game developer and start a happy family. And of course, help animals. I also fell in love, but it didn't end well which made me caedromantic (acquired aromanticity), but I finally managed to embrace and enjoy being single.

So anyways, maybe I will miss this year. I still wish it was the 2000s though. We're halfway through the 2020s. Time flies when you're getting older, huh?

Bonus: 

1. some songs that feel like starting a new year
- the future is coming on
- light is on the way

2. Newfound hyperfixations:
- Invader Zim
- Hazbin Hotel
- South Park

3. Newfound kins:
HIGHER: Tweek Tweak, Kyle Broflovski, Kenny McCormick, GIR, Alastor
LOWER: Kokomi Teruhashi, Kusuo Saiki, Niffty
USED TO BE HIGH BUT IS NOW A BIT LOWER: Robecca Steam

4. New names I feel comfortable with (mostly kin names):
- Kyle
- Kenny/Kennie
- GIR
- Alastor(ia)

<3<3<3

xoxo Pawlina!