First post

So I've been ignoring this site, and I think its time to just use this as a vent space. I've been single for almost 2 years now, and I don't have any motivation to date anyone. I'm busy with personal stuff, but also I'm afraid of opening myself up like that to someone again. My last relationship ruined my mental health. well, all of my last relationships did. My most recent ex completely shattered my heart. I almost couldn't bear it. 

I met someone else. I know I'm not ready to date, but also I don't feel like I'm up to opening up to someone like that again, to be vulnerable with someone again. 

The person I'm talking about, the one I met, I met him about 6 months after my break up. I felt an immediate reaction with him. And I don't know why. I never knew what a twin flame felt like, but this was for sure what it was. 

I never felt like that with any one. ever. What I thought was love before was just lust, or longing. Never how i feel with this one.

I now realize what actual unconditional love is. 

But the thing is, he did almost betray me once for another. He tried to push me away, and for that reason, i haven't been able to accept him into my heart. I know it was a long time ago that that happened, but I have never been able to forget. 

I'm so afraid of having my heart broken again.

He's my best friend, and we basically do everything together, but I don't want to date him for fear of losing him as i have him now, but I also know what my heart wants, and its him. My brain tells me no, its better this way, but my heart tells me another thing, and that I should date him. 

But I just cant. Id rather stay as it is.