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it's getting bad again. i can feel it. it's hidden in the waking up at 3 pm. it's hidden in the fact that a shower feels like a pilgrimage; i know it will cleanse me, but at what sacrifice. i'm not reading. i'm not writing. i'm not doing much of anything.
as a very mentally ill person, i've been here many times. and i've been able to get out of them all (somehow). here are the steps to fix it:
step one: talk to someone. no, it doesn't have to be about how you're feeling right away. it can be about anything-- a show, a memory, an interest that you want to feel passionate about again. but make sure that everyday, you continue this conversation (preferably in person). let it lead where it does. if the person makes you feel comfortable enough to open up, let it happen.
step two: change your clothes. pajamas are fine to wear to bed, but if you're up and doing things during the day, putting on clothes will help to make you feel cleaner and give your brain the signal to do something that isn't just laying in bed. bed = the enemy unless you're sleeping. trying to do as much as you can NOT in bed.
step three: even if you can't sleep, lay down at the same time every night. try to not use your phone. if you find that after thirty minutes of laying there, you still can't sleep, get up and do something till you feel like you are tired enough to try again. in your awake time, try to avoid screens. take a shower or bath if you're able. read. do something calming, and if you can, do it with minimal lighting.
step four: if you have medications, take them. daily/as often as they've been prescribed. make this as easy as possible for you by leaving a large glass of water next to your bed and your med bottle, making sure that there is not any reason that you shouldn't be able to take them.
step five: eat. i don't care if it's not the healthiest thing, eat. i don't care if it's mcdonalds. eat something. just a bit, even if you can't take a whole meal right now. drinks are not meals. coffee is not a meal. eat something, bonus points if it's a meal with another person. focus on how food tastes when you eat it.
step six: move. i know, i know, it sucks to hear that you should work out to fix depression, but sadly it does help. don't aim to get ripped or start a three hour workout regime, but focus on little things. dance around your room. vacuum and sweep the house. go on a walk to a coffee shop and back. bike, if you can. if it's winter, bundle up and walk around your block once or twice. appreciate that you can feel the cold air. appreciate that you can feel.
step seven: that person you've been talking to? yep, let them know how you've been feeling. if you're starting to feel better, leverage that. talk with them and tell them the warning signs that you're getting worse again.
step eight: shower. not just any shower. take a luxurious, long shower. wash everything. do some skincare if you have it. listen to music. use this as a way to figuratively wash off the bad feeling. do this as much as you need.
feel free to add your steps below. i'm in the middle of a depressive episode/chronic pain episode/something, and i'm aiming to document my steps out.
love y'all, good luck.
-matti
how to get through it again, when you know its getting bad again
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xxRebellious_Emmaxx
I find that keeping those floss pick things near my bed during an episode helps with maintaining decent oral hygiene during an episode, particularly on days where I'm super exhausted, can hardly move, and gravity feels like it's increased by 5. As for the eating and sleeping part, I personally find that extremely easy to do during a depressive episode, although that's probably just because I seem to have the atypical subtype (an increased appetite and need for sleep are common symptoms of atypical depression compared with other subtypes).
Luckily for me, my last episode (it's been an on and off thing for me since late 2019 when I was 13) ended over a year ago around late September/early October 2023 (now that I really think about it, I think I may have had a few subclinical symptoms for a few months following then, but nowhere near as bad and crippling as it is normally on the clinical level). Looking back, this is the longest I've been stable for since the illness began for me around September 2019 or so. I know I can quite easily slip into a relapse at any point and that I know there's no cure for these sorts of illnesses, but I'm enjoying my current remission from it and hope another episode won't come for a long time.
Additionally, sometimes just waiting it out and reminding myself that it will get better eventually seems to help for me, particularly with what I know now about my illness after 5 years since the start of my first one back when I was 13 years old and worrying if I'd feel like this for the rest of my life around early 2020 (until that episode came to a sudden and unexpected end in March of that year, oddly enough).