Is this it? Vent

Idk what to really do anymore. I feel like total shit most of the time and I'm expected to last another 40 years minimum? Idk how everyone did it or if I'm just too soft (pretty possible that its the likely reason maybe) but idk how people made it to old age. I dont really have much hope anymore that things are gonna get better. Money grows more and more worthless which has made everything pretty much unobtainable which is a massive issue because my house im in rn hasnt been taken care of in years because land owner stopped caring bc its an old house, and he got sick lately and almost died so now im just terrified that itll be pulled from us like a rug bc this is 400$ a month and everything around here starts at 1k$ minimum to rent and we already had to get jobs to stay afloat as is. Working wouldnt be super horrid either if it wasnt for my body feeling like crap bc my health is bad, my back is always on the verge of turning from a bad pain to a stabbing pain, my right foot is fucked from an extra bone in it so it hurts more than it probably should (when we found that out my doctor said if it kicks back into the pain that made us discover it in the first place id have to get surgery for it which isnt a good thing by any means bc you could lose use of the foot if its too close to a nerve, which i think it is bc when i bent it by accident too hard in the first place it was unusable for like a solid week idk how to even describe the feeling) but I also feel like im also just getting more braindead as the time goes by as well, like, im more forgetful than anyone should be and just dumber or something idk, not in like a super bad way but its more common than it used to be where I'll hear someone say something then forget it like 10 secs later or something, and my body sometimes does stuff or I say things that I have no control over idk how to explain this one well either, like, I'll be thinking of something and go to say it (like if I said "take a right", it would come out of my mouth as "take a l-left" almost as if its like a computer glitch in a weird way to explain it, but its terrifying bc idk if im just becoming braindead from a legit issue or if im just slipping a bit lately, but moving on from that, I dont have many friends around me. I do unironically post the "uwu im so lonely" stuff because its true, i dont really have anyone anymore that i really trust trust because they all got busy with life or play games i dont really enjoy (pvp stuff im too shit at it, its too sweaty for me nowadays to keep up) but most of my friends have been online friends and I only have 1 irl but hes been semi ghosting lately, not sure if its on purpose or not because he is kinda reclusive but at the same time he might be moving on in life bc he has a fiancée, but either way its heart wrenching im getting left behind by everyone i used to have a ton of fun with. Idk what to do anymore because of that because now I barely have anyone to chat with or play games with me, and I dont like doing those alone really unless im dead bored. Maybe I would find some people if I would have went to college but we didnt really have money at the time and I didnt know what i wanted to do, and I still dont know what id do other than maybe something with coding or tech related, because I want something fun and isnt snapping my back in half because ig im just wimpy or something, on top of this area I live in being very small and shit so not really many options if there even is a coding thing up there that isnt just like some shit robotics thing bc i dont think i have the smarts in me for something like that anymore. I just wish everything would go back to being as simple as a visit to an ice cream store to cheer up but now everything is so shit Ive just started feeling like giving up lately. Idk how I can do this anymore :/ I dont wanna give up but idk what to do anymore. I dont wanna be stuck doing some manual shit for 40 years i like computers and stuff and itd be sit down work so itd be really easy on my already shit body but even if there was any tech jobs around here available (theres barely even manual stuff anymore, much less tech stuff) they are probably extremely hard to get into or probably something thatd be either horrible to do or stuck in some office with some manager with too many anger problems or something constantly harassing you. Idk Im done ranting for now but im just so fed up with everything, im burned out too early into this whole thing and idk what im gonna do anymore. Wish I could just have someone steal me and take care of me or something and just return some snugs but idk ik stuff like that doesnt happen and even if it did I would probably still use that time to do some college maybe even if the coding would be just personal use. Anyways done ranting for real now. :/