Should I turn evil?? TRAPPING MY INNER ALPHA SIGMA WOLF INSIDE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!11!!!!@@@@@

Dilemma I've been having this year recently and I think it's relevant to do a deep dive on it now since new year's is coming up

I consider myself an honest and very emotionally receptive person. To some extent, I think most things that make me tweak are natural things to tweak at...like there's this one REALLY REALLY annoying kid at my school who calls his friends stupid if they ask him for help on math or physics. And he has such an annoying high pitch nasal-ly voice that I really make me want to rip out his vocal cords with my bare hands ^_^ So while I think it's pretty justified to tweak about him, there are also plenty of things that I get pissed off at but aware that it's petty to. Each of them are their own case by case kind of thing but yeah.

So the final dilemma (?) boils down to this: Should I turn evil????? aka not gaf and snap at ppl when smth pisses me off

Pros

1. my mental health will exponentially improve, at least in the moment

2. I can confront problematic attitudes, people, situations immediately on the spot

Cons

1. people might think (find out) im insane :pppp ^_^ >w<

2. snappy attitude might bleed out to petty things too 

3. i lose connections. And what I mean is that really annoying kid I talked about above is friends w ppl i want to be friends with ^_^ so if I get on bad terms w him it means I lose ppl to be friends with ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ FUCK

The logical answer is probably don't turn evil, or at least learn to control the intensity and timing of when to be confrontational. Bringing up the balls to confront someone??? I already have it!!! which is why I was beefing w so much ppl last year lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and I've seen all the bad outcomes of that. which is why im being more careful w this in my head!!!!!! I want more friends lol!!!!!!!!!! its really hard to not crash out irl with all of these DUMB BITCHES i have to put up w every single day at school but it would probably be more wise if I was normal ab it<333333 

Like i dont rlly want to gaf either yk like I want to be nonchalant and focus on myself but it is not easy :33333333333 maybe I was born to be a hater......either way, the realistic (?) ish mindset goal I have in mind is to find the zen within me to suppress my inner demon alpha wolf and channel that fury into being nice on the outside so i could use my opps to get what I want. Like i dont want conflict lol.....and if the opp is question didnt benefit or potentially negatively impact me at all i would go all off on them. BUT OTHERWISE, I should be just borderline nice enough so that I could get what I want!! like their friends and maybe networking stuff in the future but idrc ab that rn

this is cringe asf to say but I want to be that nonchalant ass villain anime character who could not gaf and just use annoying ppl to their advantage. like I gotta get on that shit. rn I feel like some anger issue crazy tweaking asylum-bound moron every time I crash out. To some extent it is definitely a maturity issue, and I hope having my brain grow to the fullest would help with this. 

I'm gonna have to consciously work on building this mindset, and for that I have to continue being in ASB, which i was contemplating leaving second semester bc I hate everyone there and I dont need ASB anymore now that college apps are almost over >o<!! Im gonna stay till the very end though. This is my dojo. I have to train and be a better nonchalant, controlling, mature person. I have got to be better.