existential crisis lolzzzz

does anyone else feel like there's a constant glooming pressure of death hehe

I feel like the moment I let my mind wander, there's this immediate drawing to things that are dark, and considered sad/taboo in most circles. I don't want to always be the friend bringing up Kafka or Camus, but I really can't understand how people are able to exist every day without a constant nagging of pain and sadness. It's not even my pain, which is wild. 

it is the pain of knowing that other's will hurt. we exist in a world in which we will all hurt eventually. i worry this is some residual of my catholic guilt; a vestige of being a false saint. as if the pain of the world, if i pick it up, it my martyrdom. 

i don't know what to do. i think constantly of the pain faced by animals. i think constantly of the squirrels downtown where i live, running across the street. i always cross my fingers for them to make it. i think the state of the world lends itself to enforcing my predilections and inclination towards the melancholy elements of the human condition. 

i hope we all get to rest, before and after the pain. i hope we all find a way to grieve fully. 

-matti