Date: December 27, 2024

Date: December 27, 2024
Mood: 🖤 Self-destructive but romantic 🖤
Music: “Toxic Valentine” – All Time Low 🎶

Alright, so let’s get into the messiest part of my brain, because why not overshare with the internet? I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I can’t stop. I’ve got this thing for someone who’s 1) absolutely toxic, 2) already dating someone else, and 3) somehow still haunting my every thought like a freaking ghost.

Let’s call them X again, because keeping this anonymous makes it feel like I still have a shred of self-control. Spoiler alert: I don’t.

X is the worst kind of crush—the kind you know will ruin you but still can’t resist. They’re charming in that dangerous way, like the first drop on a roller coaster. You know it’s gonna mess you up, but you can’t stop yourself from wanting the ride. And their smile? It’s a weapon. A beautifully cruel weapon that makes me forget for two seconds that they’re a walking red flag. 🚩

And then there’s the fact that they’re dating someone. Someone who’s probably way better for them than I could ever be, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling like I’m dying a little inside every time I see them together. I know it’s wrong. I know I shouldn’t even be looking at X like this, let alone imagining what it’d be like if things were different. But here I am, a walking cliché in skinny jeans, wishing the universe would rewrite the rules just this once.

The worst part? I know they’re toxic. I’ve seen it. They’re the kind of person who can make you feel like the only thing that matters one second and then tear you apart the next. They have this way of getting under your skin, making you crave their attention even when you know it’s bad for you. It’s like a sugar rush, but the crash hits so much harder.

But for some stupid reason, I keep holding onto this idea that maybe—just maybe—they’re different with me. Like, if the stars aligned or their current relationship went up in flames, maybe they’d see me in a way that makes all this heartbreak worth it. God, how pathetic does that sound? 🙃

I hate that I’m like this. I hate that I can’t just switch it off and move on. I hate that part of me keeps waiting for a sign that will never come. And I hate that when I close my eyes, all I see is them.

Anyway, I’m trying to drown this out with music and bad decisions, but it’s not really working. If you’ve got any tips for getting over someone who’s bad for you but feels like the only person who really sees you, drop them in the comments. Or don’t. I’ll probably ignore them anyway because I’m dumb like that.

Stay messy,

• M4gg0tmold 💔

P.S. If X or their significant other ever reads this, just pretend you didn’t, okay? I’ll deny everything. 🖤