christmas melancholy (ed mention)

today's christmas! i hope everyone is having a good day, whether or not you celebrate it.

i woke up nice and early to open presents! my parents got me a jellycat smudge bear (which i promptly named cheerio), fabric paint, fabric mod podge, a nice-smelling candle, and a poster from my hyperfixation movie, electric dreams! i quickly put the poster up in my bedroom, which was surprisingly difficult. i was all sweaty by the time i was done.

what do you think? it's quite a bit bigger than the poster that used to be there. i'm really happy with it- i've been wanting an electric dreams poster for a really long time! now if only i could get a vhs copy of the movie, hehe ( ´∀`)

last night was a bit difficult. i've been struggling with my ed, as mentioned in my most recent bulletin... i'm trying to not let it get in the way of daily life, and i'm using harm reduction tactics to make sure i'm hurting myself as little as possible. still, it's exhausting to have to deal with.

i went to the family christmas party. it was... loud. i was more interested in the dog than talking with any people. the food was okay, i had some octopus rice and an egg tart, as well as a few other things that weren't as yummy. it's hard to interact with your family when you're known as the mentally ill burnout kid. anyway, here's a picture of the dog. her name's emmi and she's 14!

i haven't been sleeping very well lately. maybe it's the caffeine. maybe it's stress, maybe it's hunger. who knows? the other night i ended up waking up at 4 am and staying up for a few hours. while i was awake, i repaired my old ita bag with a needle and some thread, added a new strap, and decorated it with pins so it can be my new daily bag. my bf got me a really cute my melody keychain that matches his kuromi one, and i think it really brings the bag together.

the 4 am lighting really doesn't do it justice. it's a really nice bag, and a really nice keychain! my friend andree made the art on the fnaf sundrop pin on the pink strap part, too!

i really hope things get a little better in the coming weeks. i have an appointment with my state's bureau of rehabilitative services (a disability job program) coming up in january, and i'm really hoping i'll be able to get a job where i can sit at a desk with my water cup  meds, and a plushie available to me at all times. maybe it's wishful thinking, but i can at least ask them if it's possible. we'll see.

anyway, i hope you guys are doing well. i love you all. <3