Rambling

I don't quite know what qualifies a series of thoughts to be a blog yet, so I'm just posting the most verbose thoughts I have that I also don't really mind being here long after I'm gone. 

The messaging + friends feature is kind of intimidating. I know it's pretty much the main point of the site, to connect with new people and friends on a pretty straightforward online space, but I thought that all of the awkwardness of my day to day would somehow disappear if I was made aware of people's interests from the start. It didn't, lmao, I'm still like intensely nervous.

There's so many cool features like gifs and little images that everyone else is using that I don't even know how to operate, the most immediate forums and groups are also 3 years old and posted by people who are just old enough for it to be weird to interact with them without adult supervision. Obviously a large part of socializing comes from initiating the conversation but, honestly, there isn't anything going on up here; I just finished my finals and it's winter break so I'm alone with my thoughts for the next week or so and I remade an account just to see how I felt about it. So far, it's okay but it also feels like I have to somewhat shrink myself to talk normally and not like a 60 year old man. 

Like, I don't usually type like this but it's fun and semi-formal in a way I hope I won't laugh at in a few months or years. usually I use emoticons and emojis and run on sentences and lowercase everything with almost no punctuation aside from an exclamation point for emphasis, maybe even a comma when it's not even necessary to confuse the enemy or something. 

But, on here it almost feels like you have to present a little differently to entice people to interact with you and indulge in your interests and conversation. This sounds almost like fake deep because there's this general assumption about the facade you can wear online and 'the internet is so fake, no one is looking for real connection anymore, all girls born after 1992 know is eat hot chip and lie'.. but I don't say this as a general observation about the mechanics of online relationships (platonic or other) I say it because having to figure out the balance between enough and too much when seeking out friendships is really hard for me and I'm just worried that if I don't do it right I'll just be stuck like that forever and no one will no the good/real parts of me unless I add some flair to it. 

That being said, if you read all of that or none of it, I feel like I'm pretty cool if even if I was kind of clinical about the way I filled out the little profile boxes. I'm open to talking to new people and making friends :p

TL;DR: Experiencing unreasonable amounts of anxiety about talking to people on here, but I swear I'm cool !