School Crush(es?)

It's probably not sane how insane I feel when I develop a crush on someone but it's almost like the uncontainable yearning is what gets me out of bed in the morning. Like, if I tell my crush I like him like all of my friends tell me to, then the fantasy is over and I have to confront of the fact that he's a real person who is probably nothing like the boy I've crafted in my head, or, it's unrequited and I'm embarrassed because it's no longer a secret how badly I want him. 

Yes I constantly imagine a life with him, and yes I wish I could talk to him but also..!

No! Lol. Why do that when I could just do as I've been doing and pine secretly without the pressure of a relationship during the most stressful years of my high school career?

Probably an insane first post considering the fact that I probably won't ever see him again, and posting a blog on SpaceHey with no residual following on any other platform to transfer here is like screaming into the void but... I'm a teenager so I feel like I'm allowed. Plus, what's life without a kind of embarrassing digital footprint.

Also, I'm pretty sure my friends are tired of hearing about it but I'm not tired of talking about it, I'm like possessed by my attraction to him and the only ways to it are to either scream like a banshee or speak/type about it at length. Even if I have to be intentionally vague because, while most of the kids at my school may never discover this website, it makes me feel safer while still revealing an uncomfortable amount of information. Like how much I just want to talk to him about what colleges he's thinking of going to and learn about his religion and his culture and what it's like knowing multiple languages and whether or not his mom would like me and OMG I don't know?? Everything?? What does he want to be when he's older, what did he want to be when he was younger, what are his political views, what's his sense of humor like.. the list goes on and all of these questions will remain unanswered!

(And, to be clear, I'm not mentally ill in a way that poses a threat to me or others if I develop feelings for them I'm just being insanely dramatic about the difference in our grades because the likelihood of seeing him after he graduates is incredibly low.) 

So uncool and probably really cringey and over sharing on the internet like all of the internet safety classes say not to do but.. oh well. 

Toodles! x