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Category: Life

11) loss of structure, metastructure

12/12/24
loss of structure
structure is lost

splurge

regulate excess

(develop structure)

conditions change

structure is lost

maybe what i need is a meta-structure... like a proceduralized way to modify/restart/give up existing structures in the face of shifting conditions

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key:

structure = routine / method / way of thinking that puts me into a happier space

i am really struggling to adapt to change because i have little self control or a even a firm awareness of what i want to be doing. my usual method is to just let myself go at things and when i feel horrible i'll change... i think i'm going to develop something better.

so many things have changed... i suddenly always have more or less schoolwork, more or less busywork, different schedules, random and unplanned outings, etc. i can no longer rely on just doing homework, listening to music, and being chronically online to fill up all of my time.

i've experienced this many times before, almost everyone has, so it should be easy.
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12/17/24
metastructure
i. think about what i want to do
ii. think about what i have to as things i want to do
iii. execute tasks according to whim and natural desire (intrinsic reward)
   a) create structure as needed
iv. adapt as needed

problem: when conditions change drastically my whims are skewed towards cheaper, addicting satisfactions
solution: take actions which reverse whim-skew. e.g., listening to music i want to imitate. aka step 1 of the above structure.


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sado

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your writing is dope af


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lol too much time spent introspecting and making online friends has led me to become a surprisingly articulate person

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