tiny vent maybe idk

ever since I was a kid I'd always thought I had the best siblings in the world. Mainly I thought about my youngest older brother, I thought he was awesome. Even though I barely knew who he was. He used to get taken away in cop cars very often when I was younger, and we would visit him while he stayed in a group home, or treatment center, or visit him in a cell. Recently he had stayed with us for a while, that gave possibility to me getting to know him better, but he treated me like someone else's child instead of a sibling. He was always very calm with that look on his face that you give to a toddler telling you a story about their imaginary friend. I've never seen a sibling side of him. But as I hung out at a family friend's house today, my friend's brother was home and it was like I'd tried a mango for the first time (I love mangoes). He was so friendly, and silly, and how a brother acts towards a sibling. It felt like I had missed out so bad. They were so loving and playful towards each other, I honestly felt jealous that I don't remember and thus have never got to feel a playful brother side to my youngest older brother. I feel jealous, so very jealous that they get to be so..familial? towards each other and I have to sit there with an empty cup because out of my four siblings, it feels like I had lived in a house of strangers. Maybe I should just drop it and let my friends fill that cup. But even then, I want that sibling bond, a strong, healthy, sibling bond full of trust and care that they have. Do you guys have any solutions on what to fill that hole with? My first choice is alcohol but if you guys have any suggestions, let me know in the comments!