The breaking of your heart sounds better than the soothing of it

The vulnerability of realizing how damaged you are only to grab the hammer and break it down more is a feeling that forgiveness can never reach. You can never truly connect with yourself unless it's pain. This feeling of acceptance and peace, is only withdrawal from who you truly are. 

You know what lies beneath your bones, and it's not meant for happiness. You understand yourself when it's shattered, because you can examine every piece carefully. But when it's untouched, how can you ever know what you truly are? 

Don't you resonate with it? The burn that surrounds your eyes, struggle of breath, displacement of your heart, and maybe even other organs. It's much more exhilarating than what an mindset of optimism can ever bring you. Their ignorance of life will never make them comprehend how free the feeling of another reason to sink is. 

They never understand. 

I want to stay this way forever.