almost Christmas (2)

I thought about it some more. I think more than anything I just don't want to go home, and I'm unsatisfied with how unofficial leaving is gonna be. 

Everyone's leaving on random days. I'm probably gonna skip my seminars tomorrow so I have time to pack, and also because I haven't done the reading. No-ones gonna chase me up about it- I'll just disappear and be gone for the holiday. No-ones gonna know for certain if I'm ill or gone home or just couldn't be arsed. 

There's not gonna be a goodbye ceremony, I'm gonna try to hunt people down to give them their Christmas cards, but that's still so bitty and barely put together. I wish we were all leaving at the same time and we all sat together in a big warm room and laughed together one last time.

I'm acting like I'm gonna graduate or something. I know. I just don't wanna go home. I like it here. I like my little way of life, I like my friends and my house and my schedule. I don't wanna go home :(

I even made a body map of how I feel, because I wanted to try making a body map: