i am MAD i love u but i'm MAD

this has made me so mad and i can't not let it make me mad it won't go away.

i miss writing the paragraphs on how we fell in love & how much of a fairytale it was because now all i have to write is HOW MAD YOU MAKE ME

YOU DUMB

DUMB FUKCING PERSON

i love you so much YOU MAKE ME SO MAD

i'm listening to suicide silence i'm so seething with rage.

so much has built up and i've brushed under the rug. none of them are huge things. they're all very small things. but now these small things have built into the largest pinnacle.

GOD YOU MAKE ME SO MAD I WANT TO SCREAM AT YOU SO BAD but that isn't HEALTHY 

learning all of these bad habits i've had to keep myself survive through the years and now trying to unlearn them because i don't need to survive by being toxic and ruthless. 

IT'S SO HARD TRYING TO BE HEALTHY WHEN I HAVE SO MANY BIG EMOTIONS THAT MAKE ME WANT TO KILL YOU I FEEL LIKE I'M NOT BEING HEARD AND THE ONLY WAY I KNOW HOW TO RESPOND TO THAT IS TO ACT THE WAY I DID. RUN AWAY, CAUSE A SCENE. SCREAM AT YOU. SHOW PROOF HOW UPSET I AM.

BUT that isn't the HEALTHY THING TO DO. the healthy thing to do is sit and talk it out

but that is SO HARD TO DO. so hard to do. i'm trying so hard to be normal and healthy i'm trying to hard to do the right thing i don't know what to do with my emotions how do i let go of everything i've learned.

I'M SO I'M SO MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!1