Ever get those tv show moments?

At work we like to joke about having a reality show about our office. Just documenting the shenanigans or chaos that happens in the work place. Some of it's good and funny, others more dramatic. I think our 100th episode was probably "The barbeque gets swarmed out by wasps," a comedy episode, which was then followed immediately by a drama episode that I wont get into. I bring this up because sometimes it feels like there's moments like that, that occur in my personal life. I'm not gonna bring up any traumatizing or dramatic examples. But sometimes the romcom episodes hit.

It's happened a few times over the years with various romances and breakups. One especially TV show moment was at a party early this year. I was kinda nervous about seeing this person I have a crush on again. Let alone trying to talk to them on my own. So the party was getting underway, I was having a few drinks to get in the mood and have fun. Ya know, liquid courage or whatever. Well, my crush was in charge of the music at this party. And because I was nervous I decided to just dance and enjoy their aux choices. I had a great time. This was still in the early stages of me getting used to saying fuck it and just feeling the beat and letting my body move how it wants, instead of worrying about trying to look good to other people. I say that because I do not have a great poker face, especially when dancing and a bit tipsy, and so if I moved in a way I thought didn't work well, you could see it on my face. Regardless, I was at the point in this growth process where I had stopped giving a fuck, just hadn't figured out a ton of movement yet. Or rather I was still experimenting.

I think a combo of trying to block people out and also just trying to feel the music and see what it's telling my body, leads me to dance with my eyes closed frequently. During one such instance, my crush grabbed a bunch of folks to dance with them. I opened my eyes and noticed this and went, "well shit, missed it yet again." I was a little sad about this of course, but my mood turned bright again when I realized that A: I can dance with slightly better space where I was and B: my crush gets a way better view of me rockin out from where I was. So I continued to rock out. Anyway the night went on, I was kinda hoping for a chance to talk to them. Toward the end of the party though they disappeared. I wasn't sure where they went and I'm a shy ass bi-otch so I wasn't about to ask. I figured they went to a private area or something. I went about my business getting ready to leave. 

Next thing I know my friend comes up to me, asks where I was, "the bathroom," and immediately tells me my crush is about to leave. I'm like "oh." And my friend in all they're brilliance tells me to go after them. Here's where I could feel a camera cut in for the drama. I ask "should I? They're leaving." My friend says, "if you want to talk to them." My awkward ass thinks for a second and says "well yeah." "then go." I run/jog through the remaining party (camera keeping up ofc), push open the door and get a few feet, and stop dead in my tracks, heart sinking. Their lift was there. My tongue caught in my throat. Camera pauses on my back as my dress settles, slow pan around to my face as it sinks in heartbreak. I lost my chance. I was too nervous. They got in the car. I turn to the door and see my friend coming out. We sit for a bit and smoke half a J as we order our own lift. It didn't ruin my night, I was still happy and feeling the good mood. I got back to my friend's, where I was crashing, and snapped some pics of myself as I got ready for bed as I realized just how sexy of a bad bitch I was. and thought a bit about how good a view my crush got of me dancing my heart out. ♥♣♪♫♥