rambling, volume seven <3

I DONT UNDERSTAND. WHAT AM I DOING WRONG? WHY DONT THEY LIKE ME, IM TRYING SO HARD, IM LITERALLY PRAYING THAT EVENTUALLY THEYLL GIVE A SHIT, WHY DID I GET SO ATTACHED TO YOU. I WISH YOU WERE JUST A FUCKING STRANGER TO ME, LIKE I AM TO YOU. BUT YOU ARE LITERALLY EVERYTHING TO ME. ITS NOT FAIR. ITS NOT FAIR, WHY CANT WE BE FRIENDS OR AT LEAST TALK TO EACH OTHER? WHY CANT YOU PAY ATTENTION TO ME PLEASE PLEASE ITS NOT FAIR ITS NOT FAIR, WHY CANT I SPLIT ON YOU ALREADY, WHY CANT I HATE YOU, it’s not fair it’s not fair. we don’t spend enough time with each other. it’s not enough, im not close enough. if only i did something different so we could be closer. it should’ve been me. so why am i not worthy. 

i hate having an fp bc im so fucking attached to someone who’s infinitely better than me, and nobody will never understand because they’ll boil it down to having a crush or being an obsessed creepy yandere. they will never love me in the same way i love them. no matter how much i wish they did. i’d genuinely do anything for them and that scares me. i feel so lonely without them. i feel like such an attention whore. i feel like such a loser. bpd is fucking terrible guys, i wish this wasn’t my life anymore. i wish they cared.