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Hiiiiii! Um... idk what to say, i don't even know if anyone's gonna rlly see or comment on this, but anyways, whatever. I mean i feel like it's kinda weird but i just saw a post that was kind of ... encouraging or something like that?? whatever, i mean. I want to say lots of things here even if not everyone is going to see it... whatever!! maybe i just want too much attention? I don't know. But I don't like the way i have been procrastinating things forever, or the fact that i keep doing it and being conscious that i'm just postponing things.
I'm not really minding my grammar or anything else here either, I kind of don't want to, it tires me out. I have been procrastinating a drawing since like a whole ass month back and i feel so disappointed in myself for staying the way it is. I know I have to do something, I know I should progress more, but I feel tired for some reason
Maybe I just feel some sort of way, I don't really know. But I guess I feel discouraged too most of the time because people don't seem to pick up on me at all. It might sound selfish or something but I feel so weird and maybe I feel like I'm just ignored most of the time (even though that's not true) though sometimes i just feel like it, i don't know. Maybe I just want to say something more or be noticed more... i'm kinda repeating myself over and over again bc my thoughts are very scrambled and idk what to say i just feel guilty for procrastinating this drawing for a month. I'm gonna try to finish it off, but seriously, it's like most things i do have no purpose, or it's just best to not show them publicly bc who would care in the end right... this doesn't sound like i'm asking for attention right?? bc if it sounds that way then it's horrible, but again it probably does and this whole entry does too soooo ummm yea i mean i guess those were my thoughts of frustration about it. Also, i should have started doing something on it or I should have went to do that other thing I had pending but I'm kind of just wasting more time again here i think......? maybe I'm not. I'm gonna sound really desperate and lousy but i hope someone reads this and maybe comments on it idk I love knowing that someone would actually care enough more to write or at least read what i thought.
i forgot to add or think of a title sorry
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Jegg
ur so real!!
)
I'm guilty of starting like 12089479812 drawings and never finishing them and they're always weighing on the back of my mind all the time so I feel you :( Sometimes its also just fine to let it go though because drawing is supposed to be fun! In the long run dont let it weigh you down (though thats easier said than done
I've also been there where I feel almost invisible in a way and just suddenly feeling like nothing I do rlly matters if no one seems to care. I think this might be the same feeling as what you're describing?? But later I realized it was because my friend group and in general the people who surrounded me at the time were kind of careless and bad ppl ngl!!! This doesn't mean that you probably have bad friends or anything I'm sure they're all great ppl! But I think it's sometimes about surrounding yourself with the right people because everyone's entitled to wanting care and attention about things that are important to them! like im lowk an attention whore
also procrastinating is super normal around our age which I guess might not make things any better but yk its better to know that a lot of people are in this together💪
Ik this blog's like 2 days old so all of this stuff might not be relevant anymore but Im hoping ur feeling better now!!! sending you hugs and encouragement :D!
Omg............. you're so so so so SO SO SO REAL!!!!
Sorry if I'm not expressing myself in a good way that I should... I'm a bit clumsy sometimes but that's right! Art is meant to be fun always, and I took my time with this. Honestly, I'm glad I did get the feeling across, but even if my friends don't ignore me I feel weird. Maybe I just want more attention from everyone...
But you know, thank you for saying that, really. I can't help but feel so guilty for wanting attention, it's kind of weird, it's conflictive, but thank you. I wasn't even aware that it's so normal to procrastinate at this age, but yay thanks for saying it!... Well, I hope you could get the motivation to finish any of your drawings if you'd like, but I'll update! I kept working on the drawing and I'm abt to finish it, when it's finished I'll post it on christmas because it's a surprise! Thank you for commenting, really!~♡
by Haru_min˚ʚ♡ɞ˚; ; Report
francis
i have a very conditional social anxiety that only pops up during like really social events like going to malls (even if i'm going alone) where suddenly my brain makes up a bunch of very stressful bullshit about how others perceive me and how i'm portraying myself. but fundamentally i just want to know that others value me and see me how as how i want myself to be.
it's okay to want some sort of validation or recognition from others. for me this was chill until i was unhappy because ultimately nobody wanted to babysit me through my own problems so i figured out how to operate on my own. but it's good to have people who care about you and are there for you... nothing wrong with wanting that.
just some words, dunno if they're good.
Thank you for saying that, even if I didn't say it explicitly I felt like that subconsciously. I just don't know why, but I feel really guilty when having these things, and I feel like saying 'well all humans want recognition and attention' is a lame excuse. Maybe it's because people really look at me and I feel guilty for not valuing it more but it feels like it's kind of unusual. That's why maybe I just wanna be noticed more.
I mean, I guess that sorting out ourselves haves to be a normal part of being a functioning human, I suppose. I kind of feel that way too sometimes, worrying about if other people will perceive me how I want to, but the more I think about it, what's the end point? I mean, they could think this and that, but at the end, I guess it's useless. At least that might be one way to go about it... thank you!
by Haru_min˚ʚ♡ɞ˚; ; Report
you are so welcome! i think a part of being a good friend is being able to make inferences about what the other person has said, because ultimately, words can only scratch the surface of who a person truly is and reading deeper is a risky but necessary part of getting to know someone. (risky because it's possible to be wrong about assumptions)
i would reframe it from 'well all humans want recognition and attention' to something more like 'recognition and attention are parts of being human.' you don't have to feel bad for those things because they're basic needs, even if society sometimes looks down on it.
and very clever remark... "but at the end, I guess it's useless."
by francis; ; Report
Yup! Thanks again, I felt like saying!... Honestly I feel like parts of being a good friend is being attentive and listening too... I guess that those are more of the basic things, I feel like, but yeah. Words aren't enough, that's probably true. Maybe it explains why I feel like I can't ever explain myself fully with them. At the end, I think it's rewarding and fun to genuinely dive in deep into another person's feelings and know who they really are, from the core, it's just... such a warm dear feeling, in my eyes.
I guess I got a little excited and more happy from that reply, it makes me feel less guilty!... It's true that it's a basic need, I guess... even if I still struggle with seeing it like that for just me personally (complicated), It makes me feel more lighter. It just makes me more happy at how attentive you are and how much purpose and thought you're able to put on words. Like I said, at the end, whatever happens, or whatever people say, maybe those perceptions don't matter. Those stupid things inside that head who make it up are totally useless. Even if people say or not say, that's not going to affect the final core of things in the end, so it's just like that, useless. ....Thanks again!♡
by Haru_min˚ʚ♡ɞ˚; ; Report
degrace
been there before, but i dumped the project anyway. sometimes it's not just about you losing interest or motivation to continue, but you have to gaslight yourself to be disciplined ig. (though i know it's hard and i fail %99 of the time lmao)
Honestly I didn't always consider to see it this way, but it's true. I'm still working on it and I'm going to work my best to get the full drawing finished. Thank you for commenting, seriously!~✩
by Haru_min˚ʚ♡ɞ˚; ; Report
You're welcome, fellow procastinator.
by degrace; ; Report
♡
by Haru_min˚ʚ♡ɞ˚; ; Report