i need to make art

make art

make arrt

it's all you're worth

keep writing and writing and writing 

and drawing and writing and drawing 

and drawing 

and drawing 

and 

crumpling up paper after paper after paper 

and maybe amongst the big mess you've maede

maybe somewhere in between the fold s of 

blood ink and tears

maybe somewhere 

somewhere there

maybe just maybe

you will be worth something 

I love my art. I don't want to hate it.

But why does it feel so heavy ?

 To do so much as to pick up a pen lately ?

ately,, it's just all too looud

living,, being alive and doing things required to be alive

it's just so loud and it's suffocating

i need to be alone again

man,, i need to just have a moment where i can just

be alone

no stressors,, no distractions,,

and do art

my heart has been hurting lately,,

and i just

need art to soothe it

i need to get it out'

out

out

out

lately,, i have been needing time to just\

be nothing

an d i need to not need it,, i don't wanna rely on it,, i wanna be alive and i wanna live life

and it's just so     ugjjh

i'm sorry

for feeling this way

at times i wish i could reach through your mouth and into your throat and pull out your heart

and hold it closely to my face

to hear it beating

maybe,

then,

i'd

be able to

i'd be able to hear your love through the hatred that i've plastered onto you

not because i think you hate me

just that i don't know you at all,, and something just needs to be there

because you can't feel nothing

and you can't feel happy. or proud.

so it must be hate

i'm not jealous

i a

m

just a liittle bit disappointed that

this is what i am

and

what you are

and i can't do anything to instantaneously change tathat

that i can't

maybe

be

you

that i can't just

tilt the wotrld in my favour

that i can't

be

something to be proud of,,, too

i wanna make more art

to just

get my mind off of things

haven't really been able to get m y mind throyugh it

to just do it

it just hurts too much

and instead of pouringn it all out ,,it seems easier to just not at all

not  better,, tyhough

i wanna be better

ui

i want oto be somehtthing to be rpproud pf, too

i wanna be a person who wants to be alive and wants to live and is proud of the things they are doing

just that ever so often i find myself seething like this

wallowing

and then just'

not being

doing anything,, but anything that reminsds me that i'm alive

i just wihs sh that one day,,

i won;'t have tothink like hthat anymorre

goodnight. i love you. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry for ruining your life. for.not being able tobe just cant handle being alive

sorrry

i'mnb sorry

i know youre not reading this,, cause you dont even know me onlibne,,,you fdont even have thhi s i think

im just sorry for ever being born aat alll