Thick, wavy hair struggles! - 3/12/24

Tuesday, 3/12/24 - Thick, wavy hair struggles!

I'll probably have to make a reminder to myself to write an online diary or journal to keep track of my progress and my own emotions, honestly. I heard writing out whatever's in your head really helps to keep yourself sane, or I dunno, it probably helps me to boost up my writing skills after not writing for god knows how long. I think it's just my insecurities, but ever since I've already graduated high school for more than half a decade, I've noticed my writing skills had probably degraded or seems rusty compared to before. Sometimes it feels like the tone of my writing feels off, too. Maybe I need to read more books off from my reading list. 

I've been procrastinating on reading Fahrenheit 451 and American Psycho lately, if it weren't for me feeling so damn sleepy all the time. It's not like I had a shitty sleep schedule, most of the time I've been sleeping at around 8pm or 9pm after work. Could it be from my Prozac? I dont't know. I really miss taking Wellbutrin. That got me energized and even gave me like a gym phase before I stopped taking it due to the costs. Those pills just aren't cheap for me at ALL. Seriously, I have to help my family with their financial situation and I don't live in the US either, so I'm not looking for pharma or insurance advice on this. Prozac's heavily subsidized and still kept me functional so it's better than being unmedicated and risk going apeshit again. I'd rather take a less effective sleepy medicine than an expensive medicine when I'm only an intern in a company. 

Coming back to the topic of using this as an online journal or a diary, I wouldn't exactly call it a diary if I'm sharing this specific entry to the rest of Spacehey, but, whatever, right? Goddamn. Even writing out my thoughts here makes me feel tired. 

So, my straightener absolutely broke. You know what that means? Less damage to my hair! But do you also know what that means? My wavy hair is just gonna look so different compared to how I saw myself as in my own head! Here's a crappy sketch I did on MSpaint just now, but just imagine the one on the right having more of a frizzy mess too.

(Left would be my typical and ideal hairstyle, and the one on the right is if I don't have time or energy to style in the morning or my hair straightener broke.)

Maybe some of you might think, "But it fits you, Cas!" or "Have you heard of the curly hair method?", or "But it has that volume!" and while I may appreciate those compliments, I just genuinely do NOT like my hair to be that wavy and super thick, I hate it, especially when I'm living under satan's climate nearly everyday. It doesn't fit a specific aesthetic I wanted to go for and I don't want to go all embracing my hair type blah blah blah type of shit. I don't care about this curly hair method because who HAS TIME to read all these specific ingredients on shampoos and conditioners?? NOT ME when I need to have maybe 10 hours of sleep after work. Sometimes dealing with a hair like this is so frustrating because I could've spent some time styling my hair as minimal as possible and there are STILL those stupid layers that curls in the wrong way and it's like, I have no other choice but to straighten (damage) my hair everyday to achieve that look. 

I LOOK LIKE KNOCK-OFF DAISUKE AT THIS POINT AND IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY. LOOK AT THIS. MY HAIR LOOKS LIKE HIS, JUST.. SHORTER??

IT'S JUST-LISTEN, I love and admire him as a fictional character from this indie horror game called Mouthwashing. I relate to him a lot in terms of his outlooks and personality, I really do. But I don't want to give off Daisuke vibes based on my looks alone! 

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope I could get those cheap brush straighteners I saw on my local online shopping platform. Maybe it would help my hair to tame and behave properly because I am so sick of it.