Post-November, Pre-December Update

Happy December, fellow collective.

Recently, my R and Q keys have been bugging out. My poor laptop... please continue fighting on... I need y'all for my games!!!

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I have been experiencing a (concentrated) depressive episode for the past week where I had lots of brain fog and lots of dissociation. It was so bad that I couldn't bring myself to actually "do" anything except lie in bed and wallow in the guilt that came from it. I would describe the feeling in my head as a heavy mushy mess. It was so hard to focus and finish any activity. One of the days, after I had just finished washing the dishes, I turned away to do something else real quick, then approached the sink again thinking I needed to wash the dishes, quickly dawning on me that, "wait, did i already wash the dishes?" Yessir, I did. Oh, my.

(Usually, I just dissociate when I'm eating by myself. It took a lot of willpower to focus every time I had a morning class in college and had to eat breakfast in the dining halls first to make sure I actually left on time and not just sat in my chair staring at nothing.)

My body has been tired, and I couldn't will myself to get up in the mornings. Often, I would stand in the shower for god-knows-how-long because I just couldn't focus on what I had to do, and I'd just keep forgetting to move or do anything. Furthermore, I've also decided to take a break from the MMORPG I've been consistently playing since October: Throne and Liberty, because guild duties have been taxing my already-taxed brain. But also, Path of Exile 2 Early Access is becoming available on Friday December 6, so that's another reason for me dropping out of Throne and Liberty. Goodbye, my oomfs, you will be missed.

The feedback loop of [feeling bad -> feeling bad because I'm not doing anything "productive" -> feeling worse] is actually quite insane!

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Thankfully, today I actually felt better. I had a shift in states wherein I held a more positive outlook contrary to how I've been feeling recently. Hopefully, this signals the beginning of my more-normal, more-healthy state once again and that we are gonna be so back. :D

I can't wait to feel better again !

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In other news, it is the Steam Autumn sale, and I bought that popular game Mouthwashing for the very great price of $10 and something cents (or maybe $11 and something cents I don't know, don't correct me). It took me 2 days to finish for a total of 2.8 hours, I think, and I really liked the horror aspects of it!

I would say my favourite horror depictions were the black-out screens and you'd just hear the audio from it. Scary... raw... Definitely a great game from the get-go, especially the evangelion references 8) (if those were actually eva references LOL).

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Any who, I hope everyone's Decembers will be filled with lots of joy ! I'm Filipino, after all, and that means Christmas must be enjoyed and celebrated (since September). Turn on The Carpenters music!!!