Vent

           For the past three weeks after getting out the psych ward, I’ve been restricting my food to greens and lean meats. Yes, I’ve been radicalized to believe that if I’m thin, I’ll be more socially acceptable. Anorexia is a real mental disorder that drastically affects people, even those around me. My grandma would ask if I ate any of her Thanksgiving food & I’ll only eat her collard greens. In some way or form, media will change the youth & geriatric to Christian nationalism and accepting white supremacy. I took a photo of myself, probably at my lowest weight since I was sixteen. It scared the shit out of me but then I realized I’d look “okay”. I’d cut my hair when I got manic due to binge watching doomsday YouTube videos. 

      But I struggle with bonding & joining communities, which is the deep reason for my suicide ideation. It’s like I won’t think of suicide if I’m feeling or getting ostracized in some way shape or form. You can freely cuss my ass out in the comments for admitting my truth and hopefully didn’t trigger anybody to restrict or cut but I too were in those shoes.