empty

what does it mean to be human?

is it to love? is it to desire? is it to be kind? is it to feel?

“What is a human heart?” as asked by uliquorria, a question i’ve been wondering for a bit now

whatever being human is, i don’t know if i have those qualities of a human 

i don’t know what i feel, what i think, or what i desire at this point

i mean, i WANT to be happy, all of us do. but i’ve pretty much already given up on that

i’ve just been endlessly drifting through each day, no goal in mind

nothing feels real to me anymore, nothing makes me feel any genuine emotion

the few compliments i get don’t feel real, don’t feel genuine. they don’t sound like me

i used to be good at responding to compliments and stuff like that, but i just.. can’t anymore. they don’t make me feel anything, nothing does. 

well, i can obviously feel temporary dopamine at times. it’s not like my brain is just completely shutdown, but nothing REAL

what even is a REAL feeling? i have no damn clue

i’m still so, so lonely, and nothing’s going to change that

the few people i have left are drifting away, which is probably my fault, but i’m not going to do anything to stop it

i just, cant find it in me to care anymore

i want to feel something, but i just cant. it’s apart of me

and once again, you cant escape you