rambling; volume one <3

LMAOOOOO i honestly can’t tell what’s going on with me anymore. i feel like everything and nothing at the same time and everyday is exhausting. i don’t have motivation to do anything!!!! literally anything!!!! and i know when i wake up tmr everything will be fine again bc of course it will. i always think im cured of all my shit and then BOOM something goes ever so slightly wrong and everything comes right back and i wanna kms. people always say they care abt me but im suffering RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM and they turn a blind eye. who am i anymore?? do i even have a personality or am i just a faceless fucking wannabe????? there was this person i really liked, like i didn’t love them but they’re personality was just cool if that makes sense????? and i tried to emulate their personality and HAHAHA no i failed tremendously. i keep changing myself for other people and whoever the fuck i am just depends on whether or not i wanna die lol ^_^!!! ive been thinking of sending myself to a mental hospital but i would just be one of the scary patients bc im a bad person anyway. no one would wanna help. that’s why they’ve turned a blind eye im assuming. i’m such a fucking poser i don’t deserve peoples “sympathy” even if it’s the most fake shit in the universe. IM SO FUKKIN ANNOYING RAHHHHHHHHHHH I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF.