I watched I Saw the TV Glow! (a lot of rambling...)

I watched I Saw the TV Glow with my GSA members today!

I've watched queer films before but theyre all mlm and wlw I dont recall watching a trans related movie so this was probably my first 

Originally was gonna watch Boys Dont Cry but I heard bad stuff ab it so...ermm....probably wont watch

mlm and wlw movies are surprise surprise are all centered around relationships and while I can relate to some of the tensions portrayed , MY TOIXC YURI INFESTED CHRONICALLY TWITTER ASS HAVE NEVR BEEN IN AN RELATIONSHIP SO I CNAT RELATE! They're just enjoyable bc it gives u the giggles...But I guess most movies arent made for connections theyre more for the entertainment value. I hope i could connect to those feelings in the future when Im in a relationship tho...I DONT WANT TO LIVE A PERMANTENTLY THIRD-PERSON VIEW CONSUMER FANDOM LIFE!!! I WANT TON LIVE A LIFE!!!!! I NEED TO BECOME THE YURI YAOI AMALGAMATION!!! smth like carol...yuri w gillian anderson kind of thing..........EEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

I Saw the TV Glow was super like symbolism infested though so I couldnt really form a personal connection with it either it just felt like..more of a societal message kind of thing...or some message to a group of people....

Feel like symbols just kind of do that rghrggr Didi was by far one of the most personal movies that hit home its smth that kinda felt like it was speaking to me and I wish I could've felt that from I Saw the TV Glow...Maybe there's a movie like that somewhere and I just have to look for it

The whoie movie has a nice, underrepresented message about dealing with your cisgender childhood though. It was a unique message within trans media and I think that makes the movie special 

Ooiuhghh...oh to romanticize high school culture in the 2000s....

I probably would've been bullied lolzz......but I feel like like it wouldve been soo movie like and fun and I wouldve had a fire emo myspace page....Its like I would be sad and depressed but in a cool movie way....bc I feel like the modern high school experience (my experience) was all like gross doomscrolling chronically not touching grass blowfly girl mara barl i will never be happy in my life kind of goopy sadness

Like I would imagine the romanticized 2000s high school sadness to be spiky and shiny, have a clear shape, maybe made of plastic while the modern high school sadness is like a blob of black tar with no clear shape that kinda just sticks onto you and weighs you down...like if Im gonna be sad I want to at least be dramatic about it instead of doomscrolling while wanting to die

Whatever...clearly the healthy conclusion is to think to not want to be sad in general! I just feel like my struggles have no reason compared to the ones that are portrayed on media. Ive never lived in the 2000s though so I would never know what it actually is truly like outside of what i think it is....

Did I feel more alive when there was active conflict? Maybe. Most conflict Ive experienced...My parents fighting hella a year or two back...when i was younger when my mom beat me a lot ig...But I dont remmeber a whole lot when I was younger I think I was just head empty like. I cried bc I was being hit obviously nothing else much. I just went back to playing w play doh after I was done like idgaf. When my parents were fighting?? I thought more about what was happening before I cried ig. It weighed me down a couple of days. I do think life felt more eventful ish...like the one time I ran out of the house at 1 and had to ask my friend who lived close by to come out. That whole moment was so movie core..And things sucked but I felt like I had a good reason to be sad about everything, to miss homework assignments, to want to die, all of that. And i would reward myself more when I managed to do my edpuzzle or whatever bc i was all like "omg..ur going through so much but u watched the 20 min Physics Girl video!!" but now when i miss assignments its like "omg u dumb fuck"

and this is exactly why u have to get a life so u can run into stuff and give urself a reason to be sad about. Maybe we're all just sad by default and we need to go through hardships to give ourselves a reason to comfort ourselves for. 

conclusion I NEED TO GET A LIFE!!!!! try hard so we can cry hard...instead of quietly and slowly rotting away


The scene where Maddy is giving Owen that wholeass speech in the inflatable planetarium though.......UGHHH........its gonna live in my head for a while.... WHAT A BANGER MOVIE!!