living is so boring i don't wanna live as a functional adult person

I'll be in senior year in less than three month (if don't fail my finals) and that makes me feel so... wierd? in less than one year from now i'll have to get a job (going to a good university in the country i live is very hard if you didn't had proper education, my parents were never able to afford a good school, ngl i'm kinda smart and maybe i could get a schoolarship in a cheaper college if i'll study harder but i lack motivation and energy), like, i was just a child yesterday and in some short period of time i'll become a adult, i'll have to be a productive member of society, i never even thought of being alive this long, i have suicidal thoughts since i was 9 so in my mind i would just be dead by now. The only things that i really enjoy (sometimes) are doing art, spending money on makeup/fashionable things so i can feel pretty, watch silly show or video essays and studying useless topics i'm curious about and even just doing that almost all the time i don't really feel happy, i don't like to be alive due to my many mental healthy issues, i just stay here because i have time to distract myself from my miserable life doing things enjoy so i hopefully won't freak out and end my life. Being a functional person who get paid minimum weight at my country really sucks too, you can't afford anything or hardly live by yourself because rent and bills here are way to expensive, i don't really have close friends who could share a place with me so i would probrably be stuck in this hell i call my home until i get married (IF i get married). I really don't have any will to live and if one day i'll just be forced to stop living in the silly fantasy world i have in my mind i'll just jump off of a bridge tbh