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Performed a magick ritual on the 21st as per Mildred. I've been collecting Ov and Blood over the period of each month without trying too hard. I haven't been forcing it. If the moment arises and I bleed, well, never let good blood go to waste! If I don't bleed it's a test from the universe toward my will. Nonetheless I've been trying to roll with my intuition and a little combination of fate, or rather my interpretation of fate which provides you with all the tools to meet out your destiny. It's a fine line finding the intuition to follow the right series of steps at the right time within you but it's definitely there. Synchronicities, strange events, and the like have arisen in my life. Seemingly, messages in the music I've been listening to and playlisting have served as a sort of auditory tarot, as well as a damning and inescapable photograph that is uncanny. I will perform my follow up ritual tonight at the 23rd hour of the 23rd day of the month. I believe I'm on the right track. The realization I'm having is that it's quite difficult to tell if something is your intent all along or what the gospel of corporeal reality has already written out for you. I'm just an actor playing my role maybe, and I love this strange story.
I could be a delusional lunatic, and I very well might be, but either way I'm fighting my way through the onslaught of life with a wild smile on my face. I think I might be able to pull it all off, and that I could bring good out of this. I'm filled with a great swath of new found feelings for someone too, and I chalk it up to fate. Or maybe someone born of a dream. Maybe those aren't mutually exclusive. I'm hoping I'm not insane in thinking the feeling is shared. So we'll see how that goes. Still getting married to Cris, my dearly beloved. She's on her banging a bunch of hot women shit right now. Very happy for her, impressive stuff. The point is that I think I might be entrapped in the snare of Los Angeles for a few more years. Mark my words, I will escape to Tokyo in a few years but I can't shake the feeling that A. I've met someone very special who I'm supposed to meet B. Things are finally going to succeed with Mildred very soon C. It'd be in my best interest to stay for A and B and that my way to Tokyo is, unfortunately, further down the rabbit hole of this wonderfully mad city.
Now that after I survived a period of tragedy and violence in my life, and escaped a cyclical format, and I've studied that intensely, it's time to move on. I'm already on the next step. Mildred Pt. 1 is inspired by and about those things. The next Mildred record (whatever it will be called) after that will be romantic, dreamy, dirty, sexy, vampire Marry Me Tonight HTRK shit. So I've extended my lifespan with a new zeitgeist to chase. Nonetheless a study of how we connect with each other, but in a different way. I'm not quite certain, the only theme that comes to mind is romance. I do think I wanted to name it something jeering to make fun of Fontaines D.C.
I'm busting my ass on this record, and I'm already getting ready for the next one haha. I keep doing to myself. Mark my words, Lila's Death and What It Feels Like To Discover A Mass Suicide will be iconic songs, maybe I'm ahead of myself and too cocky. I'm calling it now, the "Yeah yeah, whatever." in Suicide is one of the most memorable things I've written. That line is a hit. It's also kind of the first love song I've written, kind of. Plunge might count haha. I could be wrong about all of this. Everyone tells me these things first, but I don't know, it could all end in my failure. I could be wrong about the romance. WHO KNOWS SHE COULD BE READING THIS THOUGH TOO IF SHE'S AS INSANE AS I AM(doubtful even if she does read this) AND THIS WHOLE GAME IS MAD BUT WE'LL SEE THIS WEEK? I could be wrong about making it. I could be a complete idiot. Who knows. We release the record and have 900 listeners again hahahaha. Hey man, if I finally break 1k I'm happy. I realistically foresee us breaking that a fair far bit. However, who knows, I have a strange feeling things might get wild and out of control. I think I'm realizing slowly that instead of nearing an end, like I so feared for so long, that my life is actually only beginning. Maybe that's part of the music I'm already working on for Pt. 3, renewal. Pt. 1 is about living to die. Pt. 3 will just be about living, and have nothing to do with the plot of Pt. 1 and 2, or even have a plot?? I'm trying not to self-impose limits anymore.
P.S.
Got my ass kicked sparring tonight, but I think I got some good ones in too >:)
Getting ready for two back to back spiritual boxing matches, 1/4 and 1/12.
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