God damn it!

I SWEAR TO GOD!! How did i manage to loose the ONLY constant in my f*cking life!? I get im some tranny/fatty excuse for a person but jesus! He wont even tell me what i did to make him all of a sudden want me out of his life conpleatly. Have the past 4 years ment nothing to you? I get i was a f*cking abusive sh*t face with no sence of right or wrong but i fixed that! I did everything in my power for you. I just need closure in my life, and you are just adding to the sh*ttaly built jenga towers that make up my f*cking life! Im not mad, i cant be. I just know the past 4 years have been the only things keeping me going thanks to you. And now youve gone and striped away all of the sh*t that makes me want to keep going. I just want somthing stable, i dont want my mom to relapse, i dont want my dad to think down on me, i dont want my sibings to grow up with no role modal and i dont want anything to happen to you! Ive been having nightmares abt all of that for weeks now and i just want someone to talk to but the person im closest with dosent even know im a guy! You have made me feel so much that its all coming back up, like im about to throw up but its all stuck in my throat. Im sorry for everything. You will always be my love. 

I still love you. 

I Love You!