Old body

Today I felt like I woke up in my old body, the one that used to smile I saw your face. I'm not sure why today was different, I expected a "good morning" from you. I felt my creativity return to my hands, the urge to create filled my being like nothing else. With all the good memories though, came you with it. Why do you trail behind every single memory of mine? Every loss of life, you're there to mock me. All you do is laugh and laugh like I'm a clown on stage, an unwilling performer. This morning came with the urge to paint the skies and the dread of your hand on my shoulder pulling me down with you. I'm content with losing you, if anything, I want you gone. Despite our good memories, you've burnt up half of them like letters from a loved one. I choose not to be petty because I simply dislike you. I hate you, but not enough to call your home phone and scream my lungs out. Not enough to mock you in the same tone you mock me. Keep your word this time and stay out. Today I will paint the skies the colors I like, without you breaking my hands. I will love freely. 

-Nani T.