Actually a good school counselor

Date: 16 november 2024 

I talked to my school counselor yesterday and it was the best decision I've made since school started. It felt so good talking to someone without having to put a limit on myself. I could just yap for an hour and she knew exactly what to say that I liked. She'd say something serious sometimes, but still be able to laugh when I did. I really like her, can't wait till I get to see her again on friday next week. I always feel like I make more sense when I express myself to other ppl than in my own head. I think its the opposite for many ppl, not me tho. I don't think I've ever been this nice to myself as I am right now. My head can get cloudy and its frustrating ofc but I allow myself to have a cloudy head, if this was 4 years ago I would've punished myself.

Though all this good stuff is happening I still got a long way to go. I'm nice to myself, but I gotta stand up even more for myself I think. I did it yesterday when I drew the line at my friend renaming me in a discord group to my dead-name. I told him he couldn't do that and I'm so glad I did. He changed it eventually, though I still think it is shitty of him to do it in the first place. I also stood up for myself this week against a friend that disrespected me repeatedly but I let it slide, not this time tho. I told him he had to stop and he apologised. Sometimes I forget that ppl will actually listen if u tell them what u feel.

I can only be the punching bag for so long. I can't have friendships where my only value is purely being a punching bag. I want to be more. That's why I value friendships were the other person also can handle being the punching bag higher. I'm working on this, I'll get better at it no doubt. 

- Elliot