rant about my body (tw)

yesterday was the first time in a while since I said I hated my body in front of my mum, I even cried. I said to her after all these years that I hated my body, I hated the way I looked the fat on me the stretch marks I hated everything, and I know that parents do this when they say "But I think you're beautiful and no one is perfect" I hate that. I hate how they say that every single time and I hate how they think it's going to help me, I hate how they think someone is making me feel this way, the only person making me feel this way is myself. I've felt this way ever since I was little, ever since 2nd grade I've felt this way. 

I wish I could erase myself and my body forever without hurting myself, It has nearly been three years since I stopped hurting myself but every day it feels like I want to do it again. i miss the pain I felt that made me feel good about myself, at least when I did it I had an excuse to cover myself up or stay home.

I don't even want to wear the dresses I bought myself, they used to make me feel beautiful but now they make me feel ugly and disgusting, now they just sit in my closet to never be used again.

i feel like I'm back at square one, again.