material value given by a useless carcass

it's as if my worth is based on material objects. what i give to you is only what i am to you. and i dare not to burst your bubble, for if i do you would turn on me and my party. "but it doesn't matter to me" i would cope. "what i give to you is what i am, and what you are is what you give to me." but it bears my conscience that you were so vindictive of me before i gave you what you wanted. and you asked as if we did not have history of mockery. and now you defend me as if you were my right-hand man. you do not have the right to, and you never did. what mean-spirited joke you tell about me and my party that you brushed off as dust means the world to me. and now you defend me, and only me. you don't speak neither out of the goodness of your heart nor for justice. you speak for what is of use to you. and the rest of my party is of no use to you. are you afraid that if you were not to defend me you would lose the rights to your property? i wish to take away what i give, yet i am too afraid my theory is right. you switch sides as soon as you see how much of use i am. you are a snake. i almost hate you for it. do you not have any decency? i was desperate for your validation as a friend, yet you only act in favor when i have something you want. what am i to you? a machine? you ask politely and i give to you. not out of the goodness of my own heart but to show that the girl you and your party is so vindictive about is kind-hearted enough to give what she owns to you regardless of what you've done. i could not care less about being kind, but that doesn't matter when you can't read my mind. did you change because of what worth i show to you, or because you see inside a beacon of light? i would want to know. because that changes everything. i really did want to be on good terms with you, both only in front of me and your party too. but now i realize i only am because of what i give. i feel your compassion is disingenuous, and i ask "what's the point?" but it doesn't matter, it never does. and i will go about with a heavy heart knowing your reason for kindness is the material value given by a useless carcass.