Atrophying

Today in Russian, at the end of the lesson, the teacher asked if anyone's studying Spanish - only I put my hand up, because everyone else in the class does French and Russian, and the teacher said "ahh, so lots of time, and you have a Slavonic background for Russian - you should be getting no less than a first!", and I laughed like yeah lol, and this girl next to me who I've never really spoken to says "yeah, Spanish is easy" under her breath. 

Now I don't know whether or not I should've taken offence to that but I did - because I already knew deep down that what I'm doing right now is way too easy for me. I have way too much free time. I could very easily work the 4 hour shifts (instead of my reduced hour 3-hour shifts) and still have time for studying. At the start of term it was kind of difficult but it's fine now!! I'm fine meanwhile everyone else is struggling and I feel like I'm just not doing enough. I'm gonna apply to work opportunities and volunteering and I'm gonna work out and SOCIALISE MORE. 

I do really feel like I've taken the easy way out, though. Like, I knew I was, because I didn't want a super stressful degree, but now it's starting to hit home. I feel like something in me is numbing, or shrinking, or becoming smooth and limp and useless because I have not been using it - some sort of muscle - I've rendered it use-less myself. 

And I keep wondering, what should I be doing instead? 

We all know what I should be doing instead.