abuse // control

i usually separate each topic into different parts, but these two are pretty similar

through years of trauma, my sense of every human quality has became twisted. my morality, my empathy, my personality, everything is unrecognizable than how i was just a year ago. same with how i conceive love.

do you truly even love me if you don’t let me control every aspect of your life? if you don’t let me throw you away on a whim? if you don’t let me manipulate and abuse you?

it wasn’t too long ago where i wanted this done to myself, but once again i’ve gone through a transformation, and i’ve become a better version of myself once again. being a sadomasochist is lame, pure sadism is the meta fr!!

i love inflicting pain to others, especially sexually and emotionally to someone who i “love”. i don’t even know what love is, to be frank. i can’t make it pass the infatuation stage. i don’t do that whole love thing. i don’t think i’m capable anymore of feeling genuine love. i get bored of people so fast, and there’s nothing i can do to stop that

i don’t want to change anyways, i wanna stay like this. being normal is lame, being a disgusting and terrible person is the way to go. 

i’d love to have a partner who’s similar to me, with my interests, shares my trauma, and who’d also let me harm them. i’d love to cut the arms, thighs, wherever of someone who i genuinely wanted to stay with. you cut yourself? let me do it for you ^_^!! cut even deeper, just for me. i want to leave my mark on someone, physically or emotionally, as a permanent reminder of who owns them, who they belong to, who their entire world revolves around.

i want someone to depend on me so badly that they literally cant function without me. i want to be the oxygen, the water, the food to someone, all these necessities in life. i want to be like that to someone.

i love it when someone compliments me. like thankkkk you for reminding me of how amazing i am! 

i want to corrupt someone, break them down to their very core until they’re only able to think about me. does that make me a bad person? i mean yeahhhhhh.. butttttt………. hmmm……

moral of story: play ov