Only minor thougs

Wow. It has been a really, really, really interesting time when I'm living right now. 

Han sido meses llenos de cambios, llenos de nuevas experiencias de las que he sacado muchas ideas nuevas y muchas sensaciones nuevas. 

Today I'm going to just tell you one of the many experiencies that I have been through. In my work, a new system was established that completely changed the way we have worked for years. We started using a new computer system, materials, work personnel and even improved facilities.

Of course, every change involves new learning, and I've really worked hard to get everything right. But it has been difficult. I have to start by saying that my boss is also new. And it's been a disaster to deal with the way she works. It's complicated, sometimes I think I understand what she wants me to do but, at the last moment, she brings back all my work by saying how badly it is done and asking me, how did I get here so far? It happens a lot, that she gives me an order. Including in it, the task I have to perform, how I should perform it and how much time I have to complete it. Nothing special. However, when I go halfway through it, she changes the outline and the whole method and leaves without explaining more to me.

That's when I start again, I finish it, and when I deliver the results, she tells me that everything is wrong, that I must do it again, and again she leaves without explaining. This happens every day. The stressful thing about my work is not the work itself. Although I can't give you any details, as I want to keep the most relevant aspects of my personal life private, what is characteristic of my job is that MANY PEOPLE DEPEND ON IT. Their personal relationships, their careers, even their physical and mental integrity and their life, depend on my work. That's what's really stressful, and anytime I don't manage to reach my work goals, it means that someone will be negatively affected. It's overwhelming. And I have to admit, it's been a terrible few months where I've gotten too depressed. My anxiety is in the air. And also my mental ailments.

And something interesting that hadn't happened to me before: my prayers and rites for the Old Gods have been affected. My performance is not the same as before. I have even missed a few nights to go to my sanctuary. However, it has not all been bad. My wife and I have two different philosophies about people: in essence, I think you should always look for the best in people, even those who are unpleasant to the naked eye. Finding the beauty of life in the simplest things. My wife, on the other hand, is always prepared to receive the worst from people, being more susceptible to observing the small details in the movements of the body and the words that come out of their mouths. It's great, because she has managed to guess the intentions of the people who have wanted to hurt us long before they happen. And for her, I've helped her to be more patient and a little more positive.

The point of all this is, that she has a very clear opinion about my boss: although I want to understand her erratic behaviors and her lack of empathy in her employees; even if I try to overlook her stupid comments about random topics that I don't agree with her on. Even though there are times when I can see through her, and see little hidden insecurities that explain all of the above, the answer my wife found is simple. There are people who are simply bad. Without very intricate explanations that revolve around the same issue. And she is bad. The decision to be a good person and be more empathetic with others is not based on your ideas and your beliefs, they are essentially based on your personality, and if your personality is to be unpleasant and selfish, well...

This week, I sat down for a moment to pray to the Old Gods. Again I prepared the incense and the tools for cutting meat. Again I shouted, danced, and recited the poems that sing the names that men older than Rome and Greece guessed in their visions. 

I saw them, again. 

And I think I really found my answer. However, I am not clear yet, and I prefer not to try to explain myself so as not to fall into mistakes or presumptions. For the moment, I can only tell you that this has all been an incredible journey. A terrible, agonizing, surprising, terrifying journey that still doesn't end.