Small November Update

Hello, I accidentally deleted the first iteration of this by refreshing the webpage and losing all content.

Basically, I do chores more often and feel sad about the length it takes me to finish them because I'm slow and I advocate for the necessity of a collective effort in the family household to complete them on-the-daily, and I have two new books: H.P. Lovecraft: Tales of Horror and Ripley's Believe It or Not! Dare to Discover.

My mental health has been relatively on the negative side in a stagnant flow (as it usually is). This job thing has been more fruitless than I thought it would -- everyone says the job market is bad; although, I don't really understand what that has to do with me. I understand it could be a nice way of saying that it isn't my fault. Euugghhhh. An acquaintance once told me that when they graduated, they played video games for a month, got bored, then got a job (in their respective field). Good for them >_>. I'm generally okay even though I'm bad at this (or is it even right to blame myself?), because it'll work out eventually if I keep doing my best. Still, it weighs heavy. I wonder what everyone else knows that I don't.

I've been taking more notice that my memory is still as forgetful as ever, still lacking strong levels of retention. Days that pass still feel like dreams and I live only in the moment, always missing the past. People don't tell you that living in the moment can feel like you don't remember anything else except the current moment, that it kind of takes a bit of effort to recall anything in the past, even just a few minutes ago when I was supposed to refill the Brita but looked away to wipe the counter with a paper towel and completely forgot all about the initial task. People also don't tell you you have to keep eating despite it all.

I assure myself that the negative, or relatively unfavourable, characteristics I bear are subject to the cyclical nature of Me. There are good days, there are bad days; likewise, I am better, I am worse. Often, when I look at myself in the mirror, I take note of whether I look like "myself"; otherwise, I ask the reflection, "Who are you?". Then, I forget about the question and move on with my day. I mention all this because my rituals have started to feel more difficult, but I am placing more effort in staying calm and finishing them in a more timely manner.

Sometimes, these divulgences about my Human Condition feel artificial, like I made them up in this moment of being aware of them, and that I'm pretending that I haven't been afflicted with them for as long as I can remember (or "not remember" with the way my brain works haha). Have I always been like this? Only I can tell for I live my own life, but I've never made myself aware until recent years, so is it true? My word can only be as strong as I believe it to be.

Social gatherings save my soul. Even my tattoo sessions with my tattoo artist who isn't necessarily my friend give my spirit so much vitality. Friends... oh, friends... I hope you all organize a fun Friendsgiving this year.

My brain just feels sooooo foggy and blank, like I can barely process input.

I hope everyone else is feeling better despite the election results.