strange feeling

Life is so weird right now

before I start complaining, I literally saved kirati man's ass yesterday,

after I finished my work out I got a message from my friend, she sent me a picture of an ID and was like "Is that the guy you are talking with?" AND IT WAS HIM,,, WHAT ARE THE CHANCES??? After this, I asked him "Did you lose your ID?" and we kept talking but it felt so wrong. Like just because I saved your ass so that's the reason why you are nice to me?? I don't think we still have the same thing as we had before, maybe because he is a total male-whore and shitty guy. I am so over this era. This could be so perfect if he wasn't such an idiot. But at least I know now this is not it unfortunately :/

But it doesn't really matter, what is? The fact that nothing in my life makes sense,,

how is it possible that at this time of year, I have nothing besides school, even last year was more interesting than now THIS IS SUPPOSE TO BE MY CLIMAX IN LIFE GOSH, and I am restless,, how come the weirdest people having much than me?? Am I that hard??? I literally don't know what have I done wrong I deserve this,, what the hell is wrong with me,, I wish I knew,,

how is it possible that the girl I hate the most, who acts like everything but a friend have a date this week and I am not?? How is it possible that good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people?? what is it that makes no one find me interesting?? Or attractive?? or anything like that?? No wonder why I am writing about my problem on the internet, maybe it's because no one in real life would listen. Or that I feel comfortable enough to share my deep thoughts about such topics,,

I don't even know what to think, is this really the truth or am I living another reality and can't see myself? Yeah, I think I am pretty, but am I pretty enough to be someone's girlfriend? Like I am doing everything I can so I appear more feminine and pretty, but nothing is working, I don't want to chase people to like me anymore this is repulsive,,,