Vent (Big TW for SA and SH and just this whole thing)

I think I'm genuinely at one the lowest if not the lowest part of my life, and it doesn't feel like a single person actually gives a shit about me. like I have no friends, no family, no nothing. it's not that people don't know, I make it so obvious. yet I always scream but no one ever awnsers, no one ever comes to help me. anytime someone finally listens for a moment they turn it around to them how they are struggling worse or how I have a no reason to feel how I do. I'm so tired of it why can't I just have someone whos always here for me that understands me that won't argue with me that will just listen and actually try to help me. Why can't I be like one of those girls with a perfect family and friends and a boyfriend who loves her more then anything. Why did I have to get stuck in a broken family with a broken mind and no one to be there for me. I'm tired of being told how I shouldn't of been born how they regret having me. How everyone likes my brother more then me and they tell me that how they tell me they don't understand me yet never tried how they call me a whore and a slut when I've been raped by multiple people and how they told me how to say no how they knew and let it happen how they fucking watched me get raped and didn't say or do anything how they knew when they brought me to that basement how they knew what him and his friend did how they knew when they took me upstairs and continued how they knew this happened over and over for years how they knew when he came into my room how they knew when his hands were all over my body when I was sleeping how I told you and you didn't care you just told him get out and the next day if was like nothing happened and how they know he still tries to touch me how they know he had pictures of me on his phone how they knew he showed people how they knew he still tried to touch me how he's always looking at me how can you just watch that happen then call me a slut I was a kid I'm still a kid and no matter if I said no or not it still happened because you sat there and watched it all happen you ruined me and how you seen the cuts and the scars and the blood on my body and acted like it was nothing when you know it wasnt nothing. I'll never forget I'll never forgive