Schrodinger's answer

I feel like I’m on a series of first dates, none of them going further than the rest. It’s all so monotonous, no wind behind my sales and no one taking a chance on me (just like I refuse to take a chance on the world). It’s either everyone’s just awful or I’m the awful one here, Schrodinger’s perspective is what I like to think of it personally. Schrodinger, so many ways it could turn out, Schrodinger’s bank account, Schrodinger’s genitals, Schrodinger’s ring, which no one ever has on them so I guess that proves that guy wrong then? who knows what people ever have on them.

I’d surely like to find out, like xray vision or just peeping-into-your-pockets vision or just something that tells me of your intentions because really, that’s all it boils down to yeah? first dates, you ask questions like “where do you see this thing we have going on going to?” or “do you want to end up married and have kids sometime in the future?” or “do you just want this to be casual add me or I’ll add you to my roster of people who always say the same thing “I’m not sure, let’s see where this goes” is it too much to ask for certainty in such an uncertain time? will you stay with me through everything? through thick and thin and will you hold me through the night whether or not I’m up for a bump or two or whether im up to dry hump to oblivion?

It’s an illusion of answers you want to see but you secretly know deep down that you probably won’t ever see them, at least not in the places you’re looking. Tinder, Grindr, Bars, Clubs, while I know plenty of people had good reviews and good chances of meeting people they were attracted to, It just seems like a one-in-a-million kind of chances that you have to take and it just seems too risky to me.

It just feels almost stupid to expect something more from people, something more than what I’ve been given time and time again, and what I’ve been dishing out myself. I feel almost sorry for who I’ve dated so far (only the 2 people, which might be sad?) and I feel bad for myself for who I’ve pined for earnestly. It feels so bad that I might as well just give up on people in general.

xoxopetey