pills make you vomit

It’s worse to swallow slow. It goes down slow. It burns, and closes the throat. I cough, and I really can’t breathe, and it burns, it really burns. Sometimes I take it and wonder, how many times I can do it again until my throat closes for good. But I know how to open it back up, and I wish I didn’t. I get up too fast, and everything goes dizzy. Everything goes black, and I fall to the floor. But then I have to get back up again, because then I have to vomit. Most of the time, I have nothing in me to vomit. So I sit in the bathroom, facing the toilet, and puke whatever my insides can. It makes me feel sick. But when it makes me sleep, and dream really good things, happy things, I think that it’s worth it.