on moving on

i have a lot of thoughts that i already threw out onto my twitter but im putting it here too as a reminder to myself. sometimes bad things happen and people that really matter to you enter your life (whether or not they fuck you up is optional) and then they leave and you dont know what to do with yourself or who you are anymore. and really the things is sometimes thats okay and thats just life. when you center your entire universe around one person it can be hard for you to find yourself in the aftermath, but what you need to accept is that sometimes people just cant be in your life forever and thats okay. cherish the memories you had with them, acknowledge the parts where they were flawed and things went wrong, and move on. accept all the things youve learned from them, because sometimes, directly or indirectly, people enter your life as a lesson for you to learn. and i really learned a lot from this person! i learned about love, about growth, about adulthood, about connection, about what it means to be alive and keep going. even after they left i kept learning! i learned about what it means to be yourself, and get help, and reach out, and i learned about all the people who loved me, despite everything my mind was telling me. i learned that youre never truly alone in this world, and even despite losing people, you can always find new people again and rebuild yourself again because thats what life is all about! im not a perfect person and ive certainly given up on trying to be one, but the truth is that nobody's perfect and you cant expect people to never make mistakes. ive learned to be more forgiving to people and understand where theyre coming from no matter what they do. most importantly, ive learned that sometimes people hurt you, and you cant control when it happens and cant control whether or not they choose to make amends. sometimes people hurt you, and you dont have to forgive them. that's okay too. days are gonna be really hard and youll find yourself lost and defined by the hurt sometimes, but somedays, the sun will shine on your face and your friends will make an unfunny joke and it'll feel like you're not drowning anymore, and it's okay to just live in those little moments.

ive learned so much, and i will keep learning. everything will be okay.