what do i wanna wind up as?

i like to think myself as some lowly entity, a fallen ash from a car crash that happened in the neighborhood overnight, or a germ that only sprung to life because i was neglected way too much.

when people ask me what i wanna be in the future; i'd wanna be dead! well, not really, but i get those tendencies a lot but then i answer them with what i really wanna be and it's just 'ok' or some other superficial answer like 'that's cool' then they shift it to themselves and what they wanna be—sure, i guess, i can't blame everyone for loving themselves so much but i feel conflicted.

passion is one thing i dont have and have at the same time, and sure i wonder what kind of person does Saccharinecore from SpaceHey wanna be when they grow up? oh i really don't care they don't really matter that much.

yeah sure i dont matter a whole lot but i fucking wanna be something—not something i'm not.

i can't move from this life because i'm drowing in distraught, and shit my mental health is a swinging pendulum hanging by a thread on my sanity.

i wanna be a poet, a lawyer, a passionate writer. and if not that. FUCK i wanna be

remembered.

honestly, i wanna etch myself into the minds of those around me.

Fat chance that no one will ever remember Saccharinecore would have existed, no one will care either

so i wanna be

REMEMBERED.

god