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guh. rn i REALLY wnna drop school and just idk be a poet or write for money.
so things in school have been! i have a laptop, wifi, phone, and roof over my head and just everything what most teenagers would ask for! then the shit train tags along and honks it's goddamn egregious horn.
CHOO-FUCKING-CHOO ur comfort in life trial has expired ! like. shit. im sick of it i wanna go over and just give up and runaway.
everything falls apart, and i feel so fucking isolated, ive felt the loneliest again in my life again, sure they tell me distract urself.
"just get over it" "just move on" fucking hell and i hear the excuse thrown at me, no, wait, HURLED at me "Everybody comes and goes" oh my god in heaven why do you care if everybody comes and goes? people like u have shitty double standards u say that and yet u go needing someone too. god. school has been ruined for me, and not because it's hard or there's a lot to do (although there are a lot to do but that's besides the point).
i feel isolated, since the 2nd week of september and i blame myself every-fucking-day for me to be just struck by lightning.
...but, yknow, i cant drop school even if i really wanted it. im in pain (mentally and physically), been to the hospital a couple of times, ECGs, scans, tests and i wished i could just. FADE not die, but FADE like spiderman did it in Endgame.
i could never drop, and why exactly do i wanna? i'm too ashamed to ever speak about it. i'll be pointed and laughed at so fucking hard that i'll turn blue like a kite in an instant and just flop on the floor from SHEER embarassment...
i wish i cld drop and just dissapear, i just, rlly dont wanna dissapoint anyone anymore. but what do i know?
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ghalya
it makes sense that it feels isolating and unfair especially since school is where u spend so much of ur time and can feel exposed to judgement and pressure
sometimes we need an outlet that’s truly ours and one that doesn’t need approval from anyone else. if u want, maybe you could try writing or poetry to process things because it gives u a space that belongs to you only
and i know you don’t know me but if you ever need someone to talk to i’m here!!
thanks. but honestly with the thing that's pulling me down i hav no sincere motivation to write squat. esp when the friends i have all to seem so beautifully busy w their own lives, i can't blame them but they barely talk to me it's like the sahara desert out there. i'll write sure but then pop the idea doesnt stick or i just give up completely.
by saccharinecore; ; Report