good luck, babe

He can touch me, he can tell me how much he loves me, he can call me his, but I can never fully get over the thought of him being better off with a guy instead of me. 

All the ‘I love you’s’ feel like pins and needles against my skin, and it’s so much harder for me to say it back without tears rimming at my eyes. 

I know my boyfriend is attracted to men—I don’t care if he is because it’s his life, but it’s so much harder for me to cope and defend our relationship when he acts like he doesn’t even have a girlfriend but a boyfriend. 

I’m pretty masculine, and I can’t help but think that the only reason he even dated me is to get the best of both worlds—a girlfriend and a boyfriend. 

I would be lying if this didn’t give me gender dysphoria. I don’t know if I should be masculine to make him feel safe, or if I should be feminine and let myself feel safe with him. 

He could kiss me all he wants, but I can’t help but think he’s thinking of men when he does.