entry 25/10/2024: these popular kids in my class make fun of me and my friend group.

these popular kids in my class make fun of me and my friend group. idk what to do, i try to fight back as in making fun of them too in moments of when they're the ones being humiliated but they--in turn, make fun of me more. i stay quiet but my stomach hurts. i end up going to the bathroom to self-harm, to distract how much it hurts. i just wanted to be friends with everyone. i want everyone to care about me, as i would them. am i just too weird for them to like? or at least fucking stand? please? it started off with them just joke-rivalry, which i was fine with because i considered us friends. but then one of them took a photo they thought was raunchy(i was arching my back while leaning on a desk) and was basically gonna blackmail me with it. and then they called us names from appearance-wise, things we couldn't really change. then we sorta stayed quiet and some days i would cry myself to sleep(im a very sensitive young woman!!).  then they make fun of one of my friends, F_A, but the thing about her is that she doesn't really listen to other people in class. a perfect target for mocking and shit like that. i wanted to stand up for her but i didnt know how. theres this circle of girls that we're friends with, and they're also friends with those popular kids(both the girls and boys). and they usually are the ones who call out on whenever they try to humiliate us or F_A in front of the whole class(though are unfortunately drowned out by the laughing and snickering). but im very thankful of them, though. they've said directly to me that they're against them, and are only playing around with them cus they're funny. being funny really goes a long way, huh? there are even inside jokes those popular kids make that the teachers laugh off because they think nothing of it. and whenever they do that and the teachers dont get it, they look around and side-glance at F_A like 'oh no we're so bad ahaha' and i cant fucking stand that shit dude that pisses me off so much. thing is, i really wanna be friends with them. they seem so funny and nice to each other and it pisses me off that they act so fucking mean to she and i. i sometimes find myself looking at them joke around while im writing down my thoughts on my journal and wishing i could be friends with them. and you know, theres this one girl in that group that i thought was redeemable. she started off sorta being guilty about the teasing, cus she was actually quite good friends with F_A way back in 7th grade. like whenever the other girls and boys laughed she sorta looked at F_A's way and see if she's fine about it too. then she started to not really do that anymore and go alongside the mocking, joining in and doing it too. and to me, too. and i really thought she could be nice to us, for how two-faced she is. i really thought. i really really wanted to be friends with her cus she was really nice to me sometimes. and she could be really funny sometimes too. what the fuck. man. man. i really did. man. and another thing is, i was friends with this one boy who i liked and he liked me back. throughout school break(before i was in this class) we would call and text and play roblox together(yayyy) and i was really happy cus he was so nice to me and attentive too. and we sent each other song recommendations. i even got him into radiohead. then we got the same class and then he became friends with the popular kids. then made fun of us for the first time, he didnt say anything. so i estranged him. so the boy i liked and liked me back is one of the people that's got me crying and shit. fuck all. i was friends with him from the very start of 7th grade. could you believe that. what i hate most about this is that im very delusional and sensitive so basically i could literally be imagining this 'bullying' thing as worse than what it actually is. but if anything really bad were to ever happen to me, self-inflicted, because of that; then i would say their only fault was picking on me(a sensitive faggot), and not doing any research on my psyche first(not that they could do anything. in their eyes im a villain either way)