Tryhard at Violent Thoughts

I just find morbid humor in violence and darkness, it just spills out of my mouth naturally but at the same time, I think and say things sort of passay? Generic? I get paranoid about it, Im a grown woman but also im short. Its whatever. Im not trying to take myself too seriously, I genuinely find interest in things but I have a tiny sense of pride in it, you know? I should develop a more colorful mind in my language and imagery without going right away to extreme shock factor? I dont know how to explain. It doesnt effect me much, I just like having a sense of control in a situation.